Not yet…
Not yet…
Not yet…
Not yet...
Not yet…
Not yet…
Not yet…
Not yet is just one of those phrases you end up saying a lot to someone who is really excited.
Patiently waiting through your steady stream of Not yets isn’t easy. Don’t forget to make the OK now! part awesome and exciting and thrilling. No matter how trivial the payoff, they earned your energy.
I asked a new Dad the most surprising thing he found after being a parent for six months.
“It’s easier than I expected.”
He quickly pointed out a bunch of reasons why he is fortunate to say that. Mom and baby are healthy. Family is nearby to help out. Healthy marriage. Financial security.
“But….we just keep it simple and don’t overcomplicate things” he said.
Maybe it’s worth asking….how much harder do we make it for ourselves by making it harder for ourselves?
If you want, each little decision and interaction with your kids is up for evaluation.
Did I say that right?
Did I help them work through that tantrum properly?
Am I supposed to use a different phrase when she won’t share?
If I buy them this toy will they grow up entitled and spoiled and resent me?
An Instagram influencer said kids are doomed unless you say {this} when they cry.
All well intended. All worth thinking about practicing to get better. But also sometimes exhausting.
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Instead, maybe a better thing to worry about is “what do they see us do over and over when we forget they’re watching?”
Whether good or bad, all that stuff they soak up from their parents every single day.
A healthy loving, marriage. Being present without a phone. Treating strangers with respect. Exploring interesting places. Saying please and thank you and sorry. Giving your best. Standing up for something.
Years and years of soaking this stuff up probably pays off.
One thing kids do is create stuff.
This seems like a natural inclination. Blocks need to be stacked. Paint needs to be put on paper. Songs need to be sung. Clay needs to be formed. Bubbles need to come alive.
If you’re not careful, this urge to create is easy to take for granted. Stuff gets messy. We’ve done it a million times. We’ll move on to something else in two minutes anyways.
A good rule of thumb is always, always allow them to create.
Steal a toy from their brother after being asked to share. Cover the table in yogurt when you walk away for one minute. Soak the bathroom floor after gentle reminders that water stays in the bathtub. Dart toward the street when we’ve talked about that a million times. Draw on the wall after a reminder that coloring is for the paper. Declare that you’re no longer friends.
Just when they do all that, you can also expect…
A confident reminder that we aren’t supposed to walk on the yellow floor at the train station. An unsolicited offer to share toys with brother. An innocent interruption that we need to pray before dinner. An offer to help clean up the dinner mess. An out of nowhere I love you.
The stuff up top will evolve with time. Probably more complicated. Definitely stuff I can’t fathom now.
But the bottom stuff? Don’t forget that’s happening too.
Things I have never regretted:
There may have been some (or a lot of) hesitation beforehand. The wedding is far away. I’m busy. I’d rather sleep. I’d rather keep my ego.
But no regrets on some stuff.
As the kids get older, there is even more clarity on the no regret stuff. The list gets longer with reading books and blowing bubbles and jumping in the pool.
Not always convenient. But when they’re over, some things are just non-negotiable no regrets.
One thing that happens when your kids grow up is they start saying things that are actually true. This doesn’t mean everything is true, but it does mean some stuff is true.
The answer to “Did you go potty?” might be “Yes” and she isn’t making that up.
The tricky part is that just five minutes ago, she was also explaining that Santa Clause came to her bed and shared cauliflower with her stuffed Catfish and Llama Friend was there too jumping in Oma and Pop’s pool.
So yes, some parental wisdom is required to decipher fact from fiction. The marker on the wall probably didn’t randomly appear even if you’re told “I didn’t do it.”
But somewhere in there, start giving the benefit of the doubt and truly listening and respecting their responses. When the stakes are higher, you’ll want that to be your default posture. They will too.
The Worry Buffet is vast and open 24/7.
It’s stocked with appetizers, entrees, side dishes, drinks, and desserts.
You’re welcome to indulge in the Worry Buffet as much and often as you like.
But the thing is, you might not actually feel better if you gobble up too much of the wrong stuff.
You might even be worse off with nothing to show for it other than a stomachache and empty calories.
So yes, eat from the Worry Buffet but know what you’re eating and just how much.
Would probably tell you they’re a great Dad if pressed on the topic.
These same great Dads will also talk about where they aren’t so great. Times when they messed up. Coming up short. Their struggles. Worries. Fears.
So maybe it sounds like this — “Definitely not perfect. Always trying to get better. But there is no one else on Earth better suited for this job with these kids in this family than me.”
That seems like the right way to think about it.
A good way to frame your current state of affairs is to look back at what you were doing {X} amount of time ago.
When a software salesperson has a great month, it’s not simply because of their effort in that specific month. Blowing out December quota is from the cold calls and relationships and hard work in August and April and January and the previous November.
The opposite is true too. If December is a total bust in sales, it’s probably not because of December itself. The previous couple quarters are worth sniffing around instead.
And so it goes with just about everything else. Work skills. Fitness. Finances. Marriages. Friendships. Faith. A book idea. A musical instrument. A foreign language.
Sometimes the evidence is months, or even years, in the past. Sometimes it’s yesterday.
It’s a gift to your kids to approach life with this level of intentionality.
Gratefully Dad 