Becoming a Dad has done some weird things to my brain. My perspective on these questions feels like the single most important change though.
A pre-parent mindset might passively say “Sure….kids don’t deserve to not have those things.” But that’s much different than actively proclaiming”Kids deserve these things and we can’t let them down.” The variance might seem subtle or mere semantics. It’s not.
My changed perspective feels more like a call to arms than casual societal observation.
[1]Help a Mother Out has a single mission: get clean diapers to parents and babies who need them. Every baby deserves clean diapers.
I read Matthew McConaughey’s memoir Greenlights a few months after Mazey was born.
At various points in the book, McConaughey confidently notes that becoming a father was always a lifelong goal. He was eight years old and pondering fatherhood. He was a Delta Tau Delta frat boy at UT dreaming of fatherhood.
That seems weird to me. Not wrong. Not fake. But very foreign.
All smiles at the Poteet Strawberry Festival.
I always assumed I would be a Dad eventually. It felt inevitable[1], but did I look forward to it? No. Day dream about it? No. Was a fatherhood a life goal? No.
I’ve been lucky to know a lot of great Dads, many who entered the scene at key moments in my twenties. These best friends and mentors offered an inside look on Dad life. But even these guys, who I trust and love deeply, didn’t trigger any sort of mad dash for Dadhood.
Maybe this is what was going on inside my head: Aside from dying of old age, having kids always seemed like some final frontier of being a grown up. And being a true grown up meant a lot of sacrifice that probably wasn’t worth it.
Turns out, I was kind of right about the sacrifice but wrong about the worth it part.
My favorite question to ask people is “What are some surprising things about ___________“
Fill in the blank with anything:
A new job
Moving to a new city
Getting a dog
Becoming a vegetarian
Getting married
Switching to a front pocket wallet instead of bulky back pocket wallet
You get some actual depth and vulnerability compared to vague prompts. People open up. They talk more. I ask myself this question a lot too. It’s a good exercise for the soul, especially when answered truthfully.
So here goes: What are some surprising things about becoming a Dad?
Surprise 1: Things are figureoutable
I was intimidated by the intellectual requirements of being a newborn Dad.
The best way to compensate was reading lots of books with fancy charts about milestones. And diligently researching apps that track feedings and sleep. And worrying about what the poop should be like on day 4, hour 12. And just generally worrying about everything.
It’s like I was about to take an important statistics exam, but forgot my tiny index card full of formulas that students are allowed to use for help. I just never felt confident in the formulas I had in my brain.
So yeah, the app worked fine. I didn’t refer back to the books. The hospital provided a milestone chart on weird xeroxed paper that was good enough.
Turns out, you just kinda figure out the rest.
Send help
Surprise 2: Cheers to them
I’ve been lucky to watch friends and family raise families the past decade. What I didn’t expect, or even consider, is how much more proud I am of them after becoming a Dad.
I was a passive observer before. Now I deeply admire these people.
Surprise 3: But this one goes to 11
I’m more in love with my daughter than I expected.
If you asked me how much I expected to love Mazey before she was born, it would have been an easy answer. Of course, 10/10. That’s the obvious, safe answer. Everyone loves their kids. Anything under 10 would be weird. Just answer 10 and move along.
Gratefully Dad 